We got word yesterday that our Home Study has been approved, which means that we’re now ready to be open for placement! In a way this update is the last big thing we need to do in terms of set up, but really means the first step is done which is actually a little crazy since we’ve been at this since February.
Really, beyond that there is no update now. But I thought I would talk a little more about the Home Study. I tried to keep it really high level, partially because I want potential foster or adoptive parents to be able to read without being caught in my mess, but also partially because it’s just a little weird to talk about the real reason I was so worried about the Home Study.
But, a couple of weeks ago a friend shared a post she wrote about her relationship with her father, and how he refused to go to her wedding. I am not nearly as good with words, but I admired her being open and honest about it and appreciated hearing her story so much, because it resonated with me. So, for the sake of authenticity I want to talk more about something that I mentioned in this post as barely a line item – my mother.
Early on in our classes when they mentioned Home Study would talk about your family relationships, I panicked. I talked to our instructor briefly and he assured me though that they aren’t looking for perfect – in fact, perfect makes it hard to relate to kids who have felt abandonment. So when the time finally came, when I was sitting across from a Case Worker in the front room of our house, I had a lot of questions I had to answer.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in probably over 4 years now. But there was no clear break – I didn’t even have to tell her we were done, she knew. It came on a wave of my sister getting divorced. And honestly, there was no part about it that surprised me. We haven’t had a good relationship for literally the entire time I can remember. So I as answered questions about how she spoke to me when I was a child and how I knew what she was doing was wrong, I was reminded again by how much more peaceful my life is without her.
At the end of our interview, the Case Worker asked me what one thing I could change about my childhood. The answer was in my mind immediately, but I sat in silence for several minutes wondering if I was truthful if it work against me. But eventually I said it anyway – I wish she would have left me a lot sooner.
Even though letting go of the relationship was a welcome move, I have had moments when I’ve had to come to terms with things (Mother’s Day, when people ask me if my mom helps with the baby, etc) and this felt like one last big time. I don’t have to feel bad for someone else’s actions, and it’s absolutely okay to say my life is better without such an intense negative force in it.